So, I’m taking a break from my hiatus to tell you to stop
wearing pants. At first, this idea could seem uncomfortable, please give me the
benefit of the doubt. If you got as far as the first sentence and just nodded, well…I’m
the one writing this thing so it’s pretty clear we should be friends.
Think about it, seriously, in a reasonable, logical, manner.
Pants are a conditional hazard brought on from ‘the man’ as in ‘stick-it-to’.
Do you want to be a follower? NO! You don’t! You don’t want to lead your life
following the actions of some pants loving crazie! You’re better than that! Live
like me instead. Pantsfree in a one, two, three!
My life is like this: If I ever write an autobiography (I
won’t, but if I did anyway) it would be entitled “I Hate Wearing Pants”. When I get ready in the morning-no pants; roommate
hazard, but worth it. Go to work, must wear pants due to a ‘professional
atmosphere’. Get home, PANTS COME OFF. Immediately. Within minutes,
nay-seconds! It’s the fastest movement I make all day. Then I’m in pajamas. Or
shorts. I could wear skirts, but meh. Elastic waistband people, I’m just sayin’.
Sometimes, there are events outside of my control that cause
me to leave my house post-work day. Like an intense craving for Café Rio. Or
Hatches. (Hot chocolate. Go ahead and Google your way to a more enriched life
experience.) To which, I unfailingly give in to. As my roommate and I agree to
go get ready, it takes me all of ten milliseconds to call down to her, “Umm…so…are
you wearing pants?” And we debate it. Talk it out. Usually I put the damn
things on AGAIN! Ugh. But no more! Pants are so overdone.
So today, I’m sporting a ‘transitional pant’, as we decided
to call them. They sort of look like pants, but if you get close enough, you
realize that they’re not. April Fools Day in May Bizznatches. As I head out the
door, yelling out behind me, “Me and my non-pants are off!” I’ve never felt
better. No zippers, buttons, or belt loops cramping my style. Just good old
fashioned laziness. Now doesn’t this sound like a soapbox worth standing on? Oh,
I hope so.
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