So I have this friend. And she’s in a bit of an awkward
situation. Just so we’re all clear, this friend is really me, and this
situation, my situation, is difficult to explain. Have you ever found yourself in a position
where people around you were all under the impression that you liked a certain
thing? A character, a certain color, an animal, really it could be anything,
but they all thought you just loved this certain thing? That, my dearest
readers, is what this story is all about.
One day you were just
hanging out, and foolishly, oh so foolishly, picked up a goofy item and made a
random comment, thinking nothing of it, “Oh, that looks cool” And then you
moved on from that comment. You went right past it, lived your life, forgetting
you ever did such a thing. It was a blip, a non-moment in your repertoire of
big, defining moments.
Fast forward a month or so. You get a gift pertaining to that
same item from so long ago. You’re a bit confused, but try to seem in the know…
“Oh, yes, of course…a hat shaped like a (something, a duck, a frog, the country
of France, whatever) hmm…okay…” And you’re all nodding, and the giver is
smiling, and they’re clearly so pleased to be giving you this, and you’re
starting to get that panicked lost look in your eyes when they mention, “You
remember? That day when we went to the park/zoo/mall/restaurant and you said
how much you loved this?”
Meanwhile, your brain is working overtime, searching desperately
for anything you’ve ever said about loving this thing. This weird, useless,
slightly creepy thing. And then…you find
it. That non-moment. That blip. “Oh yeeeaaahhh….” you say, “Wow, I… I can’t
believe you remembered that…you are so…incredibly…thoughtful! Wow, thank you!
Thank you so much!” The giver is genuinely happy; they have you pose for
pictures with your newly acquired gift. The rest of the evening goes okay, and
when it’s over, you pull out the item, shake your head, do that weird face where
you’re trying to make sense of something that just doesn’t and won’t ever, and
you stick it on a shelf.
Now, if it ended here, it wouldn’t be that bad. I mean,
we’ve all gotten (and probably given) gifts like this. Ones that just missed
the mark somehow, but were good intentioned and all that. Fine. But-some things
have a tendency to keep cropping up. Birthdays, Christmas, Flag Day, you start
to see a trend. More and more energy is
being dedicated to you receiving items similar to the original. Mugs, figurines,
magnets, shirts, key chains, all focused on that one thing. One thing that,
quite honestly, is just…okay. Nothing so spectacular that it would have you
writing home about and starting a collection of it. A collection which, mind
you, is growing bigger and more dangerous with each passing holiday.
Suddenly, you look around your room to discover that it has
taken over. Shelves, nooks, drawers, hangers, this thing has crept itself into
every aspect of your life. All because you said something looked cool once in
front of an eerily observant human being. Note: this doesn’t seem to happen
with awesome things, things that you actually wouldn’t mind taking hold of your
style. As in, “Look at these chic European teacups my Aunt just sent me.” Or
“Check out my super cute fifties glam sunglasses I just got!” No. This type of
passion and focus sinks its claws only into cringe worthy items. Items that, if
you had some and I also had some and we caught each other’s eye across the
room, we would nod in mutual understanding, knowing exactly the path that had
led the other there too.
So, my dilemma is as follows. How do you get something that
has taken a life of its own to die down? Do you say something? Is there a point
where you can’t say anything anymore? Should you let it continue, and not risk
hurting the feelings of loved ones around you, who have so graciously bought
into this little game and showered you with item upon useless item? I mean… I
don’t know. I’m stuck.
I’m sitting here,
being glared at my the little beady eyes on all of these things, and I’m
starting to get this sinking feeling that I’m the only one who knows what I’m
talking about. Really? Anyone? Anyone at all who has gone through this, I’m
reaching out. This is my cry for help. Am I really so ungrateful? So terrible?
Maybe I am. But before you judge me, help me. Once I’m free, you can judge all
you want. Until then, I’m counting on you.
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