I just recently opened up a new candle. Inside, just below the lid, there was a little booklet that detailed the greatness of the candle I was about to light. It also congratulated me on my brilliant shopping ability in choosing such a high quality product.
There was also a section headed ‘For Best Use’.
Under this helpful category was the sentence: “Although our candles and home scents may smell delicious, they are not edible. Do not eat.” And there it is. I have, in my possession, a ruby red candle labeled ‘Crisp Mountain Apple’, that smells better than the actual apple I have sitting on my counter, yet I must not eat it. Sigh.
I find it hilarious that such a sentence even exists. Mostly because, you know somebody, somewhere, tried to do that very thing. Below you will find a dramatic reenactment of this very situation.
(Candle is lit. Delicious scent begins to permeate the room.)
Person A: Mmm…that smells just like a real apple, maybe better! Maybe it tastes like an apple too!
(At this point a less than well-meaning friend speaks up.)
Friend: You should try it.
Person A: Come on dude. It’s a candle.
Friend: An apple candle. That means there’s gotta be, like, real apple in it or something. It’s probably really good for you.
Person A: But, it’s on fire. Sort of.
Friend: Well blow it out first you idiot!
Person A: I don’t know…
Friend: I’ll give you five bucks.
Person A: Five bucks? Really?
Friend: Ten. Ten bucks. Final.
Person A breathes out slowly, considering.
Friend: Whatever, man.
Person A: Okay. I’ll do it.
And he does. You know he does. How do you know? Because now someone has the job of typing the little warnings on products that explicitly state that delicious smelling candles are not to be consumed into the human body. Which also tells us, that Person A’s story most likely didn’t end positively. Maybe the candle company even got sued over the fiasco, because they didn’t think to warn Person A that such a situation could happen, and that he should have resisted the temptation in the first place.
On this note, I feel I should stop writing, and go on a mission to find other potentially hazardous items in my home. Normally, I might not even have read the fine print that adorns those stickered labels. But now, after considering the fate of poor apple guy (I guess I don’t know for sure that it was a boy, but come on, really?) I figure it will be worth the effort to master the general dos and don’ts of the products that share my roof with me. Better safe than sorry, right?
Oh, and for you curious folks, other warnings listed under the ‘For Best Use’ category include: “Do not put candles in the freezer.” and “Candles and water do not mix.” Yes, its official, I want to shake the person’s hand that wrote out this booklet.
2 comments:
Well when person A bit into the candle that had recently been blown-out, they should have waited for it to cool. I bet they bit into the hot wax, which is why they sued the nice folks at Harry and David, who in turn agreed to hire the nice writer to write warnings in the little booklet.
Hmm... I like your logic. Eating hot wax always seems to end in a bad place. Although it could have tasted like apple pie?
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